


Dog-ter and purrrrofessor Song

by Greenmonster



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2019-11-16 01:25:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 16,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18084743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greenmonster/pseuds/Greenmonster
Summary: The Doctor and River are changed into pets. The Doctor, a lively golden retriever.River, a black and white cat. Both are living with Rory and Amy. How bad can this be?





	1. Chapter 1

" How did THIS HAPPEN? Some Time Lord you are!. Ugh! Well, at least I can get away from you when I want a break. " River bemoaned, flashing her claws at her wife- er golden retriever who had been her wife before all this happened. The Doctor said, "How was I supposed to know about the villonian shape shifting potion? I mean, come on! On the bright side"  
" There always has to be a bright side with you, dumb dog! " "Who are you calling dumb? At least I'm trained, can you sit on command? Huh? HUH? Sit, River, sit! You get a treat if you do." River was incensed ! How dare her wife treat her like an animal! " I'll stand if I feel like it! And just for mocking me. " "Hey! Spousal abuse! River hit me! I think I'm bleeding! Good bye cruel world!" " Oh shut up! You aren't bleeding! I just hit your nose, I didn't use my claws. You won't die from a bop like that! " climbing up her cat tower, River said "If you're nice and quiet,and let me take my nap, maybe I'll snuggle with you tonight. "Hello there, Doctor! Did you miss me?" " RORY! You're home! Did I miss you? Of course I missed you! Can't you see my whole back end is about to fall off from all this wagging? Here, let me jump on you for good measure! " "Down, girl, down! You must really need to go out by now huh? " "Oh, if you only knew! Take me out please! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! I don't know how much more I can take!" Rory let her out back. "Oh, thank you! Thank you! I've needed this for a while." Rory made sure to give the Doctor some privacy, she'd scratch when she wanted to come in. " River! Who's my favorite kitty cat? " "Let me guess, Garfield? Because you should have greeted me first, and not that big lummox that is my wife! Haven't you figured it yet who the brains of this outfit are? Geesh! Ooh! Ooh! Oh, oh, oh! Yes right there, yesssss! The other cheek please! Oh, this is bliss. I think I'm in heaven! I love you, Daddy! I take back everything I ever said about you. Not that you can understand me anyway, but still. Maybe I'll bring you a bird later. Oh, one better, a bunny! I'll get you a bunny! No, then Mummy would get upset! I'll sit on your lap for a week!" Amy got home not too long after. The Doctor was still outside, so she went to pet River. "Hello, baby girl! Did you have a nice day while we were gone?" " Mummy, you just know how to make a girl happy! At least you know who to greet first, unlike Dad." River let Amy pick her up, taking her out to the kitchen. Once the Doctor was let in, they both waited patiently for their bowls to be filled. Well, almost patently. River started rubbing Amy's legs, and the Doctor couldn't help but walk in circles. "Alright you two! I almost got it. Let me put the dishes down. You'd think the two of you hadn't been fed in days." I " I know, but it feels like days. " The Doctor said. "You don't know how to eat with finesse, you of the canine persuasion. All you do is beg, then scarf it down. And as for drinking water...you slobber and send it all over the place! Then there's the toilet thing! Whatever possesses you to do that?" " I don't know, it's gross, and in my human form I would never do that. Being a dog, I feel compelled to, don't ask me why. I would never use the yard as a toilet, but I do. And what about you, miss high and mighty? You use a litter box then clean yourself with your tongue. I don't even want to know about cleaning your private areas. How can you do that? " "You do the same, don't pin that on me. Being animals sucks." River said before walking back to her cat tower and curling up in her favorite hidey hole for a snooze. The Doctor was taking a nap in one of her many baskets scattered around the house when she smelled something wonderful. Steak, nice juicy steak. Licking her chops, she followed the smell into the kitchen where Rory and Amy were having supper. She knew better than to beg, but she did catch their attention every so often and received little pieces with gristle. She was in heaven! Once supper was over, Rory and Amy sat on the couch and River joined them. Curling up in Rory's lap, she purred and fell back to sleep.

"I want to join you! Let me join you, please!" The Doctor said, climbing on the couch. "NO! Get down, now! Bad dog! You have your own bed, get!" Amy said firmly. " Y-you don't want m-m-me? I'm a BAD DOG!? What did I do? I want to be with you too! " The Doctor hung her head and started to cry. Well howl. "Why is she making that sound, Amy?" What did you do?  
Is she okay? Rory asked, dumping River onto the couch. "Hey! Get back here, you ungrateful human! How could you?" And then she heard it. " Arooooooo. Aroooooo! Ar ar arooo! " "Oh no, someone upset her. I'm coming, sweetie. If it's that commercial, again, I told you the dog is fake." 

" There you are, girl! What's wrong? " Rory calmed her, giving her a pet and scratch behind the ears. "Why is she acting like this, Amy? Do you know?" " Oh no! I am so, sorry, Doctor! I didn't mean it, I just forgot you aren't a dog for a moment, I'm so sorry. You're not a bad dog, not at all, you are the very best dog. Here, have some left over steak. " Amy said, giving her a nice piece. Looking at it, the Doctor realized her friend hadn't been upset with her, but with the dog form she was in. That was understandable, treating a dog like they were your equal was unusual. It was only natural for them to forget from time to time. All was forgiven, and she was even given a seat on the couch.


	2. The Purrrrfect Sunny Sleeping Spot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sunshine makes for a great napping spot, and River loves it. There is just one problem, the Doctor wants to nap there too.

"Oh, yessss! Hello there, my warm friend, let me back in your glorious rays." River said, stretching out on the floor for maximum comfort. "Oooooh, the sun! The sun! It's out! Oh, boy, it's out! I could just..... Move over, River I want some sun too. "  
"I was here first, and you can take a turn when I'm done!"  
" But that's not fair!I want to lie in the sun too. "  
"Listen, Sweetie, I love you, but I am a cat, and as such, I simply don't care what you want."  
"If the easy way doesn't work, there is the fun way. Gggggrrruff. " Scaring River was fun! She jumped up and scrambled to the top of her cat tower. "You horrible beast! You you terror. Now look what you made me do! I wet my fur! Well, at least I can blame the spot on you. But -hey! You just took my sunny spot! I'm having you fixed when we are normal again! I'll even have every other incarnation completely castrated! All because of a sunny spot on the floor."  
" But I got the sunny spot, so who won this time?" The Doctor said stretching out on the floor. River looked at her paws, unsheathed her claws and thought. "To use the claws or not to use the claws? No claws will scare her, but she might not take me seriously enough. Too much claw and I'll draw blood. I don't want to be put in the kitty jail they bought me. So, no, no, too much is a bad idea. How about a little bit of claw, not enough to draw blood, but enough to prove my point. Does this equal spousal abuse? Wait, we are animals, it can't, or can it? Gotta figure that out. Well, in the meantime, my fur needs cleaning, might as well do the whole body while I'm at it. Head first, work your way down. The other cats said. So, let's do this." "Ahhh! A nice nap in the sun! What could be better? Maybe not having River around, a pile of sirloin steaks and a water fountain shaped like a toilet bowl. No, no! That would be asking too much." " You bet your bones it's too much! I should take out those brown eyes that seem to melt everyone into mush. Heaven knows why they do that, it's not like you have the most impressive stare. That's my job! When people see me they are mesmerized by my gaze. I'm going out! Too bad you can't follow. You have to wait for Rory or Amy to let you out, I can just waltz in and out as I please. Oh, I'm totally blaming that stain on you. Bye. "


	3. Jingle ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River has a favorite jingle ball.

Tinkle-tinkle, tinkle -tinkle- tinkle. River was doing it again! That little green ball made her so happy. She batted it around, pounced on it, picked it up and hid it, meowed incessantly if she lost it,and rolled it in front of herself just to hear the sound.  
Yes, this was her favorite toy. Not that she didn't like her other toys, oh no, she liked those too. The catnip mice, the wand with the fuzzy ribbon, the ball in the track, and all her others. But something about this one ball was different, sure, she had other balls like this, a blue one, a pink one, a yellow one. Even another green one. It was identical to her favorite, but she only had eyes for this one ball.

River was excited the day Amy said "River, I got you a present. I hope you like it." It was a beautiful green leather collar and it had her name on it. Oh, this was wonderful, fit for the queen she was. Thanking Amy in the only way she could, she head butted her hand. "Rory, she likes the new collar! I'm glad we didn't get the one with the bell, she'd never be able to get any rest of she had a bell around her neck." Well , that surprised River. Collars with bells! Who comes up with these things? Not a cat that was certain. Although dog collars with bells would be different. But life didn't give you everything. 

Thankfully, Rory put a doggy door out back. Now River wouldn't need to hear the constant "When will they be home? I think I might have an accident if they don't get here soon." Rory finally had quiet. Her own door was good enough for her. No big flaps, no cumbersome pushing. She had always liked her door , it got her away from the lummox, but not anymore. At least she could leave the yard, and tease the Doctor about it. That made everything worth it.

River spent most of the morning playing with her ball. "Ball, you are the best thing ever. How have I spent so much of my life without you? You are my most treasured object. In my human form I wouldn't give you a second thought now irealize how stupid I was. I could have spent all this time- " "Hey, River, Wanna play? " The Doctor cut in.  
"Eewwwww! No! You're wet! Besides, I am going to take a nap. And you smell bad!"  
" I beg your pardon! Me smell bad? I think the smell is delightful. Unlike you, fish breath! "  
"I DO NOT have fish breath! You have caused me to lose precious nap time, and a paw wash! Good by! Come on ball, we can take a nap together."

River stalked off, making sure to hold her tail extra high so her beloved Doctor would know who was the boss in this house. Placing her ball in the center of the cubby hole facing away from the room where the Doctor couldn't get to her. Knowing she had lost, the Doctor went to her own bed, knowing if she slept on the couch there would be serious consequences. 

In a few hours, River had finished her nap and was playing with her ball again. Jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle. The Doctor swore River did this just to be annoying sometimes. Trying to sleep was impossible! That Thing was a menace and it had to go!

River was sleeping in a patch of sun, her ball right next to her. Today was the day that ball went missing. Boy, the hiding place was good. The Doctor was going to place it in the only place River would never dare go, the bathroom. It was perfect, hide the ball in the laundry, and she would never find it. The Doctor gently picked up the ball, and somehow managed to get it into the basket without River hearing. Going back to bed, it only took a little while for her to fall asleep. "MEEERRROOOOWWWWWWW" Where is it? Where is my ball? Did you have something to do with this you overgrown puppy? Did you take my ball? "  
"River, I have been right here, taking a nap, all afternoon. How could I possibly take your ball? And besides, there is a bell in it. You would hear me doing that."  
" You're right! I would have heard you taking the best thing that's ever happened to me! "  
"Hey! What about me? What am I? chopped liver? "  
"No sweetie, but oooh I could go for liver."  
" I know, I could too. I used the wrong metaphor, but oooh yeah, with gravy and ... "  
"We need to stop thinking about liver and find that ball!"  
" What do you mean 'we'? It's your ball, you lost it, you find it! "  
"Sweetie, just remember who had the sharp claws in this relationship."  
" I wouldn't know. Amy cut your claws yesterday! "  
"**************! You are such a creep sometimes!"  
" No need to use the first name! But while your searching, if you find my bone, I'd like it back, please. " "Oh, I'll get your bone back for you. Right after you admit to taking my beloved jingle ball. Oh! Oh! The pain!" " Wait! What are you wearing? Is that a... Collar? With your name on it? And it's leather! When did you get this? " "Well, it took you long enough to notice! I've had this on all day and not a word about it from you! We are together all day, and you didn't even notice! Ug! Men!" " RIVER SONG! You know very well I am a woman now. " "No, you are a female dog, the correct term for you is -" "DON'T EVEN GO THERE. I won't let you cuddle with me at night for a week!" " I hear keys. " "I *sniff sniff* smell *sniff sniff sniff* RORY! Rory's home, Rory's home, Rory's home! RORY'S HOME!!!!!!!!!! HELLO! HELLO! oh you smell so good , I missed you so much! Oh, if I could wag my tail any harder it might fall off. " "Well, hello Doctor now have you been today?" Rory said, removing his coat. He got down on the same level as the dog, and gave her a proper welcome. " River walked over and started rubbing his legs. "Dad,you came home at just the right time. Doctor "I love to hide River's favorite toy so she can't find it then lie about it' took my jingle ball. I want it back now. Make her give it back! Punish her! Daddy she was mean. She's a bad dog! A bad, bad dog who should be in the pound! " "Shut up, River, I'm licking Rory." " Wait a minute, Mommy is home! She'll take my side! She'll understand! "Mommy! The big doggy took my ball and hid it! I want it back." " Rory, why is River crying? " "Wha?" If you get the Doctor off your face for a moment , you might see our child is crying. " "What's wrong, honey?" Amy asked, picking her up. River lay her head on Amy's shoulder, and stayed there. "Mommy, you know how to make things better. No need to stop petting, keep going." "Where's your ball ? Where did it go? " Amy searched in all the usual places, then all the unusual ones. She found the Doctor's bone, squeaky toys and a few cat toys, but none were the right thing. Finally, finding it in the laundry basket she gave it back to a grateful River, who carried it around possessivly for the rest of day. Swiping at anyone who got too close to it, she got The Doctor real good a few times, she may have just had a claw cut, but she got the point across. Never ever mess with River's toy ball. "


	4. River and the Dogs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River gets chased by neighborhood dogs.

A lovely day for a walk, sunny, warm, quiet. What more could a cat ask for? There was a she'd of mice, down the road and at least one of them had her name on it. River had a good breakfast, and a special litter box visit just for this occasion. Making a pit stop in the middle of the chase was so embarrassing. But not today, no, not today. She had been dreaming about these mice, nice, plump, big, mice. The kind you could eat by the pawful.

Creeping into the shed, it took her only a moment to see her first victim. "Well, hello there,you'll make a nice welcome home present for mom and dad! " Holding her head high, and walking like she owned the world, River started home. It wasn't to far into her triumphant return that some dogs came her way. River had never met these ones, but she had heard of them from Timmy, the cat down the street. They were mean, always escaping their yards and scaring every every tom, patch and fluffy. They even scare off other dogs, the Doctor had warned her not to go near them, and if they came after her, run! River did just that, dropping her mouse she ran towards home. up stuck in a tree! Four dogs looked at her like she was their snack. "Come down, Mr. Cat, we only want to play with you. A nice game of take the tail off the kitty sounds like fun, what do you think, boys?" The others agreed , they might also get to play tug of war. 

River was incensed! Mr.Cat indeed! Obviously they didn't know a lady when they saw one. She knew better than to correct them, it would only make them angrier. She wasn't getting down until someone came home and it looked like the dogs felt the same way. 

The Doctor was getting worried, River had been gone too long. She was only going to get a mouse, she should have been back by now. She wasn't out front, sunning herself on the walk way or in the yard laying in the grass, or on the picnic table. Not up in her tower, or in her bed, or anywhere. She starting to get scared, what if she was hit by a car and dying in the road? What if she got trapped and couldn't get out? What if, oh, please, no, not that! The dog pack got her? She would never see her beautiful River ever again! Oh, this was too much. Just too much, she howled, and paced the floor. 

River stayed in that tree with all four dogs right there. How did this hold their attention so long? All River wanted was to go home, play with the Doctor, eat some kibble, sleep in Amy's lap. She couldn't take it anymore, gathering up everything she had, she cried. Amy and Rory arrived at the same time, hearing a crying cat that sounded an awful lot like River, they took off in that direction. The dogs took off when they saw the humans. The crying didn't stop. "MEOW, MEOW, MEOW!" When River saw her parents , she was overjoyed. "Oh, you're here! Thank you! Let me climb down a bit so you can get me." Landing in Rory's arms, she let him carry her home. 

Just when the Doctor thought she would never see River again, Amy and Rory walked through the door holding a very relieved River. "Oh! My darling! My River!" " Sweetie, I love you, but this kitty needs the box bad. " River said, making a mad dash for her box. "Oh, my bladder feels so happy." She said , returning to the living room. "Oh, River!" The Doctor said , smelling her all over. "You had me worried all day. I looked everywhere for you. All I want to do is hug you, and kiss you, and never let you go! " "Sweetie, I'm not going anywhere, except the kitchen. Then I have some business to take care of that I was unable to do being stuck in a tree by those animals. They kept me up there all day! The leader even called me 'Mr. Cat' obviously he is too stupid to know I am a lady. I should have just peed on him,would have served him right! I have more class than that. They made me drop my mouse and everything! Maybe I'll just go out at night to get a mouse next time.  
Oh, mom, you sure do know how to use a can opener, and this water is wonderful after the day I had. Now I am off to do what I was going to do this morning. This top perch is the perfect spot for baths, clean feels so good. Oh, mom, you came to the couch! And you have kitty krunchies! Tuna, and salmon flavored? You know me too well. Let me find the spot on your lap. Under the chin, yeeeessssss! And ooh, the stroking. I love you stroking me...zzz zzz." After such a long day, and the Doctor's concern, it was decided that River should sleep with her tonight. The Doctor was delighted! Curling protectivly around River.


	5. Doggy jail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor escapes the yard and spends some time out and about. Animal Control is also spending time out and about.

"River, River, hey,River! Are you awake?" The Doctor asked. " Now, why'd you have to go and do that for? I was enjoying a lovely dream about killing mice. Let me get back to it, would ya? "  
"Fine! But you're no fun. I wanted you to join me outside."  
" Sweetie, I have said my good mornings, I have used my box, I have eaten breakfast and had a bath. That is exhausting. I am taking my morning nap and will see you around one for a litter box trip, a drink, and playtime with my jingle ball. I will have the second part of my bath, and find my afternoon napping spot. This will take exactly twenty minutes. Besides, it's raining and I don't like getting my fur wet. " She settled back into her morning spot leaving the Doctor alone. "Fine, the Doctor said, I'll just enjoy the yard myself." And she went outside. Sniffing the fence, making sure no unwanted cats had entered, and walking in the grass, was only so fun for a while. She would be in huge trouble if she dug up the yard. She didn't want to go inside, but...there was a hole in the fence! She never really noticed that before. Oh, sure, she'd seen it, even put her nose through it. But she had never recognized the possibility this could hold. She pawed the board, it moved just enough for her to get out. The world on the other side looked different when she wasn't wearing a leash. She was going to take advantage of this! Walking along the street, she felt like a different dog. No leash, no Rory, just her and the road ahead. This must have been what Kerouac felt like. The park was lush green with no dogs in it. No children to pull on ears and tails, no petting to hard, just perfect. Running from one side to the other, rolling in the grass, chasing birds, this day was perfect. Almost perfect! The fun lasted until a strange person called her over. They smelled like dogs, so they must be okay. The next instant, a noose was around her neck! "HEY! What are you doing? Ouch! This hurts! You're not nice people! Your animal control! Wait, what are you doing? Uh oh, I think I'm going to doggy jail. River had just finished her morning nap. Stretching, she said, "HEY! Big lummox, where are you? Honestly, where are you my love? Doctor? Doctor? Sweetie, where did you go? Oh no!" River noticed the fence, she knew what happened. She saw the van go by, she really knew what happened! "Oh, dear! If only I played with her this morning, she wouldn't have run off! Why was I so stupid and selfish? If I had only put my nap off for fifteen minutes she would still be here and not in doggy jail! "What is this place?" The Doctor asked the dog in the next cage. "This is the end of the line for some, the beginning for others, and some are just here until someone shows up. I'm waiting on my owner, took the leash right out of her hand. What are you in for?" " I escaped the yard, my... " How to explain River to these dogs was going to be tough. "My best friend wouldn't play, I wanted to do something and let myself out of the yard." That was a good answer , at least they didn't have to know the love of her life was a cat. "You smell like cat, your people must care about that thing more if they won't play with you." Said the other dog. Laying down, the Doctor just thought about staying in the yard and fighting for the sunny spot. She would never leave without Rory or Amy ever again. It was late afternoon when she heard familiar voices. Amy and Rory rushed straight to her. "Oh, my family is here! You smell so good, oh, can we go home now?" River was so happy she almost didn't slap her. Almost. But she did keep her claws in. "What were you thinking!? Leaving the yard like that could have been the end of you. I would never see you again and then who would help me out?" She rubbed herself against the dog and sighed.


	6. Kitty cuddles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River enjoys spending time with her parents.

"Ah, this is perfect daddy." River said. Not that Rory knew that. " Curling up on you is one of my favorite things. So nice, warm, and you smell so good. Oh, yessss, that's the spot. Keep scratching, purrrrr, purrrr, purrrr. Oh, the match is on! Who's winning? Like I care. Just keep this letting thing up and I'll be happy for hours. I love you. " River just enjoyed snuggling with Rory. He would lie there and she would curl up on him and he would pet her. This was wonderful,absolute bliss. 

River loved cuddling with Amy too. "Mummy, you are so purrrrfect, you know how to treat a girl. Is that... oh I couldn't possibly...well, if you insist. Oh, those treats are good! And this scratch, you make me so happy. I have no idea what I did to deserve such treatment. Yeh, yeh, right... There! Perfect spot for my tail. You don't mind if I take a little snooze while you pet me. Oh, so nice. Mummy, I love you."

" I think I'll sleep with you tonight. Right... Here! Between you two, so I don't have to choose. Your bed is perfect! How did I not notice this before? " River settled down between her parents, enjoying their warmth. The Doctor loved her family, but wasn't a fan of bed sharing. Sleeping in one of her own beds suited her. She enjoyed stretching out and watching the house for burglars at the same time. But River loved cuddling with her parents. Curled up in Rory's back or Amy's legs, she didn't care. She even acted as an alarm clock.

"Wake up! Wake uuuuuup! *bat bat* I said wake up. MEERRROWWW! Do I need to add a little claw? *bat bat bat bat bat bat bat bat* Oh! Goody! You're awake! Don't look at your phone, look at me! I said LOOK AT ME! I want my breakfast. Tuna over Meow Mix with a side of filtered water please. And make sure the water is cold this time! " "River, it's five thirty! Can't you wait another hour? Come here, precious." Amy said. River came over and let Amy scratch her cheek, and pat her head. River settled down for a few minutes before looking at her dish. "Well, there are a few bites left. That should hold me over until breakfast. But why wait when I have two perfectly fine humans who can give me new food ?" Jumping back on to the bed she tried Rory this time. " Daddy! Mummy is being a meanie and won't feed me, her only child! Please feed me! Please! Please! " "River it's too early, besides, I need my sleep. I have a long day today." River wasn't happy at all. She wanted her food and she wanted it NOW! " Oh, Mummy! You're out of bed! Why are you running? The bathroom isn't where I eat! What is that sound? are you alright? Oh, you don't look so good! Calling in sick? Awesome! Well, not for you, but I get to cuddle with- why are you going back to the bathroom? Oh, right, sick. Well, I guess that means you will be in bed all day and we can cuddle. *gasp* YOU'LL BE IN BED ALL DAY AND WE CAN CUDDLE!!!! "  
Amy was in bed, River cuddled up beside her and the Doctor splayed out on the floor. "I never thought of coming up here during the day. But it's got a certain charm. Maybe I'll do this more often." The Doctor said.  
"Do you know Amy is trying to sleep, and I am here for support.?" River asked. "You mean you are there for the cuddles. Admit it, you are after a warm body to sleep next to." " And what if I am? Is that a crime? "  
"No." " Then go back to sleep or whatever it is you do. " The Doctor sighed and went downstairs. She was tired of River's comments and her water bowl was calling her name. 

"I think I'll go play with my mouse for a while, I could use the exercise." River said, running down the stairs and picking her blue mouse out of the toy basket. " A nice quiet toy so I don't disturb mummy. " River played with the mouse until her beloved Doctor came in. "Sweetie, you seem worried, is everything okay?" She asked. " No, Harpo, the dog next door said he heard about a rabies clinic this weekend. We are all gonna get shots! What will this do to us when we get back to our human forms? " "Relax, Sweetie. We will be fine."  
"How do you know that!?" " Humans can get rabies shots too. " "Oh, that makes it all better. Nevermind the whole Time Lord thing." " Stop worrying sweetie, all will be fine. I think I hear Amy. "

"Hello, mummy! Why are you down here? Oh, a glass of water. Please go to the couch, please go to the couch. Oh goody, you went to the couch. Now let me find the right spot on the back so you can spend time resting and I can still cuddle. Oh, I think I here Rory. He's early, I wonder why he's home." River said. Rory walked in the door, looking like the very picture of death. " Amy, I'm sick now too. I'll just be upstairs in bed. How are you feeling? " "I'm feeling better,go climb into bed and I'll be up soon. Oh, did you hear about the vaccine thing they have for animals? Do you think we should them?" Amy indicated the Doctor and River . "Well, I think that we shouldn't for now. And besides, we are sick. Let's just go to sleep."

" Go to sleep? In your bed? Oh I couldn't possibly, wait, yes I could. Oh Mummy and Daddy snuggling in the middle of the day. You two should get sick more often so we can do this. " River said, following her parents to bed.


	7. V-E-T spells Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor River hurt her paw and the Doctor has an ear infection. They now must make the dreaded trip to the vet.

The Doctor shook her head. Then she did it again. And again. Until River said "Sweetie, it is after midnight and I am trying to sleep. Stop shaking your head." River said in a very irritated voice. "I'm sorry, River, I just can't get this strange feeling out of my ear." The Doctor said , shaking her head harder. "Fine! I'll go sleep with Amy and Rory. At least it's quiet there." She sprang off her perch "YYYYYYYYEEEEEOOOOOOOOO!" She wailed. Amy and Rory heard the noise and ran downstairs to see what was wrong. They found a very distressed cat that wouldn't stop crying and a dog who shook her head. "Ow! Ow! Ow! OH Ow! This hurrrrrtttsss! Mommy hold me!" River tried to walk over to Amy but could only limp. "Oh! My baby!" Amy said, gently picking her child up. "It's alright, Mummy's here. Rory what are we going to do? We need a vet, but I don't think we can get one at this hour." " I think we need to wait for morning. And both of them need to go. The Doctor has an ear infection. " Rory said. "Oh thank you for noticing, I can stop shaking my head in the morning. But what's a vet? " "Oh, please, you know Dr. McTavish. The one that wanted to..." River started. Oh, the Doctor remembered him alright. She hated the first visit, and she was not planning to return. "You don't mean we have to see, I mean do you think he'll do those things to us again? I will live with an ear infection than go to see anyone who makes such a suggestion ever again." If the Doctor thought seeing the vet was bad, she was in for a surprise. "Well, let's see. Oh if it isn't the Ponds back again for a visit. " said the jolly Scotsman. His dark hair and thin frame made him look like a weakling. He was anything but. He could be so gentle with newborn kittens and puppies their mothers had no problem letting him examine them. The meanest guard dog might as well give up the fight before it began! Yes, doctor James McTavish was loved by his patients. Until he met River and the Doctor. "Doctor McTavish, oh, hi! Yes! I'm so happy to see you. Do you have any treats? Huh? Huh? Any treats at all?" The Doctor said, wagging her entire back end. " Traitor! You are supposed to be on MY side! We hate him, remember? " River snapped. "I'm sorry. I don't know what's got into me. Oh he pets me and gives me treats. And I'm a golden retriever, this is what I do! I don't really like him, but I like his treats." " You can't get enough treats and pets can you? " "It's in my nature." "And to think I faked your death and spent enough time behind bars I got to see multiple generations of guards, just so you can beg for treats and pets!" " the Doctor just shook her head again. "Well, I think we had better head back into the exam room." The doctor said. "Who should go first? Doc or the very lovely River? When he tried to scratch her ears he was lucky enough to pull his hand away in time. " After the last time, you don't get to pet. " "Lets do Doc first." He said. " What is with the light in my eyes? Do you want to blind me? Yes, yes I have teeth. They are very nice and sharp, and if you don't stop looking at them you might find out just how sharp! Why are you taking my weight? A lady doesn't reveal her weight. Oh, no! What are you doing at my back. EXCUSE ME! HOW DARE YOU! You could at least ask give some notice. And warm that thing up! Geez! Now what are you doing? Your fingers do not belong there! What is that smell? Oh, I feel better already. Something about anal glands? Well, let me know next time. My ears? Yes! That's the one! Why are you reaching into My ear? Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, what are you? What did you just say? Leave me here!? Oh, no! Rory! Amy! No! " But it was no use all she heard was "we're sorry, but we'll see you tomorrow." Then, it was River's turn. " Alright, we will take a few x-rays and set the bones. You can get her tomorrow, when you pick up Doc. " McTavish said. "River? I'm scared." " Well, how do you think I feel? I'm not exactly jumping for joy, am I? " "What's he doing? Where is he taking me? Oh, why am I a dog? I don't think I'll like this! Go up there? No. No thanks. I'm fine right here! Oh, why are you picking me up? Where are we going? Oh, no! Not the back room! River, help!" " I know, you are going to be just fine girl,just fine! This will only hurt for a second and then you won't feel a thing. " "He's gonna kill me! Good by River." " What's happened to the Doctor? They took her into that room and. Oh no! They killed her! They.... Killed my wife! That's my job!

"Come on,sweetie. Who's a sweet girl?" "First off, the only person who can call anybody 'sweetie ' is me! And second, I have never been a 'Sweet girl for anyone besides my mummy and daddy! Cut the crap, lady, hissssss!" " Is the little kitty not feeling to good? Does she have a hurt paw? " "Well of course I don't feel good, I am in pain! Yes, I have a hurt paw, would I be here if it didnt? Where did you even go to school? How did they let you pass kindergarten with such a dim bulb?"

Picking River up was the worst idea this woman had all day. Because in that short period of time between talking to River about her paw and picking her up, she forgot to be careful because of the hurt paw. River screamed! "Yerrrrrowwwww!" She  
leapt out of the nurse's arms and took off. " Ow! ow! Yeow, yeow, yeow" she cried. Backing herself into a small space. "My paw! Oh, it hurts! I want to be home in my bed, not here were morons ask you stupid questions and pick you up and hurt you! I want that big galoot of a dog to be right here with me. " Well, hello there kitty you need to come with me. " It was dr.McTavish. He gently picked her up and suddenly everything went dark.  
"Oh, my ear! Hey, the pain is gone! I feel so much better now! But oh, I feel so tired, and everything seems slower. Zzzzzzzz" "Where am I? Why am I so groggy? What's this thing on my leg? A cast? Do I really need a cast? Well, at least I can get some water. That's a little better. A nap sounds good, as long as I am not interrupted."

Amy and Rory came in the next morning. "Hello! Amy and Rory, your animals came through with flying colors! River got a little scared, but we calmed her down. Both are ready to go home." River was so happy to see her parents she almost jumped in Amy's arms, until she realized she had a cast on. The Doctor was feeling so much better she was jumping and liking Rory. "Hello! Hello! I missed you! I feel so much better! Can we get out of here? Can we? huh? Huh? huh? Can we" Right as they were leaving, dr. McTavish said "hang on a moment. I forgot something. He pulled a dog biscuit and some Kitty Krunchies from his pockets, offering them to the animals. The Doctor was elated! A nice big, buscuit? All for her? Name brand too? Oh, she wanted that treat, until she caught River's eye. "Don't you dare go for that treat! I'll give you some nice scratches on your nose if you do." The Doctor stood behind Rory. "I have never seen that reaction to treats." He said. And it was true, the picky dogs and cats went for anything he handed them. Amy and Rory understood, River was against it so the Doctor was against it.  
At home, The Doctor went over to her bed and slept. River was trying to stand. "This would be easier if I didn't have this cast on. Daddy, pick me up, please?" Rory was a sucker for those eyes and she was soon in his arms. "Daddy, I love you! " River closed her eyes and let Rory scratch her. Yes, being hurt sucked. But once she figured out how to walk, she would put the cast to use. Hitting the Doctor with it and pretending it was an accident was going to be fun! And all the pets and attention would just be the icing on the cake.


	8. Mommy River

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Pond Williams house is well, about to get a little bit bigger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please spay and neuter your pets.

"Oww!" The Doctor yelped, "You tripped me! And I know you meant to!" " I have no idea what you are talking about, sweetie. I picked a spot I liked and lay down. You just happen to be in the way of me being my cheerful cat self. " River gave her a cat smile. "Did you have to choose this spot to-" "Oh yes I did! You know I did! Now go away." River slapped the Doctor, using her claws. "River! I'm bleeding! That hurts!" " Oh, I am so sorry I have no idea why I did that! I am so sorry, darling! I have no clue why I would ever do such a thing! " Seeing the horror in her eyes, the Doctor told her it was alright. "You have been rather vocal, and moody, and I think you are going into heat." The Doctor said. " I am so not going into heat! " River stormed to the very top of her tower looking over her kingdom with a glower. She needed something, she had some urge. Spring was in the air! The birds were twittering and eggs were hatching. A new set of bunnies was born in the shed last week and the tree in the yard boasted a robin's nest with four blue eggs. Everything was blossoming. And THAT was the problem. The Doctor was right. River was in heat. Every Tom, that went by made comments. A few started leaving calling cards. She would just have to ask. "Doctor, I'm in heat! Those toms are waiting. Can I do this without cheating on you?" " River, you don't need a conscience now. You are a cat, be a cat. Go! " River ran out the cat door and found her favorite Tomcat, Teddy. "Look, I'm here, in heat, and offering." He needed no more invitation. "River you suddenly have become very hungry!" Said Amy, setting down a second helping of cat food. "You seem to have put on a little weight, are you stealing dog food as well?" Rory commented. " River looks like she's eating for ....... No! No! I am not- oh you have to be joking! You can't be! After everything we... You know better! " "Rory, what is it? Calm down and tell me." Amy said. " Amy, we are about to have grand kittens. " Amy fainted! "River! How COULD you?" Amy wailed. "Mom, I am a full grown cat who happens to have needs. I can usually control my urges because I am human and not animal. However, I am in the body of a female cat. I would like to say you have no idea what it's like being a cat, sex is not fun. We don't do it for pleasure, I can tell you that. He is a good tom from a good home and his name is Teddy. He will even come over and meet you if you like." Amy and Rory couldn't understand her, but they understood cats well enough. Figuring this hadn't been much of a choice, more of a need. When a good looking young tom came into the yard, and River brought him over, Rory and Amy knew this must be the father. "Well, hello, Teddy! I haven't seen you in a while. You treating my River alrght?" Rory said, petting the creature. "I think she's introducing us to the father, Rory." Amy said. "I think you're right. Teddy is a nice cat, he belongs to the Bowers. Do you think they would like to know about the kittens?" "Sure, but how are we doing that? Tell them their cat knocked up our cat and would they like them to get married? I think we will leave them out of it. " "Right, it's our child who happens to be in the body of a cat, not a cat like Teddy. Well mate, I think we can safely you are now welcome in the yard anytime. Just not in the house." Rory said to the cat. "Doctor, I need you. DOCTOR, I NEED YOU!" River yelled. " River, are you... " "Very much, and I need you to get Amy and Rory out of bed. Oooooh! This hurts!" The Doctor sped off upstairs, alerting her humans. Both ran down the stairs, tripping over each other. At last, they reached the bed River chose. She had already had a kitten, and another was on the way. Eight kittens in all. Five boys three girls. "River, you beautiful creature! You did it! You are a mother! Oh, I love you!" " Doctor, I love you too. I also have just pushed eight mini cats out of me. I am tired, please let me sleep. And thank you for bringing Teddy. River was so happy with her kittens. She loved spending time with them. Amy and Rory wanted to name the kittens, but River already had. Using the refrigerator letters Amy bought the other day, she figured out how to spell their names. There was Horace, Mooky, Burt, Wally, Margaret, Lilly, Spot, and Bat. River loved cuddling her brood, especially, little Bat. She was the youngest, a ginger and black kitten with bright eyes and a natural hunter. Spot and Mooky were great pouncers, Margaret and Lilly, excellent stalkers and runners. Burt and Wally loved cuddles. But it was Horace who shined in the climbing department. He could scale the tower almost as well as his mother. One night, after she put the kittens down, Rory picked her up and brought her to the bedroom. He and Amy sat her down, and they broke her heart. "River, you know we love you and the kittens very much. We should have prepared you better than this, we are so, so, so, sorry. We have to find homes for your kittens." " NO! NO! YOU CAN'T TAKE MY BABIES! " River wanted to sob. All that came out was a howl. "River, you need to understand, they are not helpless anymore. They need to be able to grow. Soon they will be grown. Do you really want to share a house with eight other cats?" River never even thought about it. She was having too much fun to see the truth. They weren't little babies she needed to feed and protect anymore. They couldn't even fit in the same bed anymore. She had been less stressed when she didn't have them. She wasn't planning on sharing space with anyone except the Doctor. Yes, she and Teddy gave eight little balls of fluff a good life. They couldn't teach them more. So suitable families took the kittens. Two went to a nursing home, one to Teddy's family. One to the little boy down the road for his birthday. One went to the police station who had recently lost their cat. One to the library, and the rest to neighbors who had been wanting cats. River was naturally upset for a while, she loved her babies and didn't want them to leave. She spent most of her time in the hidey hole she loved. She did find that she could sleep better when there was no kitten waking her up to use the box or get some water. She no longer had to share food, or toys, or the box. She could finally use the box with no interruption. Yes, she missed them, but knowledge that they were safe and she could see them sometimes. Life got back to normal, and Rory And Amy made up a special place for River when she went into heat. They couldn't fix her, she may be a cat, but if they fixed her now it might truly effect her life as a human. Same with the Doctor. But both were happy in the meantime. "River, are you going into heat again?" The Doctor asked , "No! I'm in the mood for tuna krunchies and nobody is getting me any. Hurry up, Daddy! I need treats! Meow!"


	9. All the squeaky toys.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor has a love for squeaky toys.

Squeeeeeek! Once again Rory found one. "Does this dog have enough toys or what?" He muttered to himself. The toy was placed in the toy bin. By now Rory needed that coffee he was brewing. Amy had an early start so he had time to have his breakfast unhurried. Once he left the house for work, the Doctor got right down to her daily routine. Secure the house, secure the yard, secure the house again. "Don't you have anything better to do than walk around and check the house and yard for whoever won't be there?" River groused "And what are YOU doing sweet wife? Sleeping in your cat tree. Not worrying about cat knappers?" The Doctor replied. " Look, dumb dumb, if any person wants to take me, I'll give them you instead. All they need is a squeaky toy! " Oh, thank you, for reminding me, River. I forgot all about counting my squeaky toys. Let me get a drink and find the ones I left in the dining room. "  
Off she went, rounding up all the squeakies in the house and placing them on her bed. "Hello, squeaky ckicken, other squeaky chicken, squeaky ball, squeaky bone....." " Fine, we get it! You love your squeaky toys. Fifteen is too many. " River was bored of this greeting ritual. She made sure not to mention the non squeaky toys, that would be a nightmare. In total the Doctor had 45 toys, some deserving of the trash. Hopefully Amy would get rid of those old disgusting things soon. On the other hand, River's 58 toys did not smell or take up much room. Hardly anyone stepped on her toys, and her squeaky mouse and jingle ball were placed in the perfect hidey hole. Really, any other toy was not as fun. Well, except the catnip mice, and the feather wands, and the rattle mouse. And the washcloth she insisted on carrying around the house, 'and no you cannot wash it Mummy, it's mine.' River stretched, curled up, and put her little black and white paws over her ears. The Doctor looked at all the squeaky toys, and jumped right into a pile of them. The racket made River cringe. She would have to figure out how to find kitty earplugs because this was annoying. "Hey, *****! Quit the noise!" River called. " I am NOT a b- oh, yes I am. At least when people see me they want to pet me, when they see you they ask what kind of skunk you are. " the Doctor shot back. "I'm a,a,a,a common SKUNK! A smelly rodent that everyone is scared of. You have done it! No playing the rest of the day." River put her tail over her head, and went to sleep.

Sleep was hard to come by, River was starting to get a migraine and just wanted the Doctor to stop the racket. "Do you MIND!? I'm trying to get some sleep up here! STOP. THE. SQUEAKING! I have spent the last month working off the kitten fat, and you make me more miserable than the exercise has. I have run for miles and miles and do you think a little peace and quiet is too much to ask for? Well, do you?" 

" Actually, River, you look just like a cat should. You lost the weight about three weeks after having them. And no, I don't think it's too much to ask, you do need sleep. But you could go outside and nap in the sunny sun sun! Or Mom and Dad's room, or the tree you love, or the laundry basket. You have options! Use them! " River was a rather annoyed kitty, but, a nap in the sun did sound good. "Do you really think I got my figure back?" " Why of course. You probably got it back sooner. And you look fantastic! " "Thanks, Sweetie. I'm headed out back. No I'm not. It's pouring out. Mummy just did laundry so there's no sleeping there, the bedroom door is shut, I think the linen closet might be ajar. Let me check." And much to River's delight, it was open a crack. Just enough for a paw to fit through. Getting her washcloth, she found the perfect spot, and slept. 

The Doctor had a day full of squeaky fun. She chewed her squeaky newspaper until her jaw got tired, then her squeaky chicken, and the other squeaky chicken until it's head came off then it got shredded. By the time Amy got home,little bits of plastic squeaky toys were all over the living room. "I see you had a busy day, Doctor." Was all she said. When she went upstairs , Amy heard a little purring sound th the linen closet. "River, you aren't supposed to be here. Did the squeaking force you to take drastic measures?" Amy asked, picking her daughter up. " Oh Mummy, you don't know the half of it. But you're home now, and that makes me so happy! " if only Amy spoke cat. But the purring and the nuzzling made her answer known.

Once the living room was cleaned, and Amy finally sorted the dog toys. (Bringing the Doctor down to about 25 toys total) Rory came home and made supper. His steak and peppers was amazing. But in the middle of the night, Rory and Amy thought there was a burglar. Turning on the lights, they found the Doctor playing with a squeaky toys. Rory took the toy away saying, " Doctor, it's bedtime not playtime. Go to sleep and stop the squeaking! "


	10. The Doctor meets a dashing dog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor is out for a stroll and meets a handsome dog.

It all started with a walk. A Saturday morning walk with Amy. While out, Miss. Harding showed up walking her dog. Amy knew her to be a great neighbor, and today she was walking her new dog, Baxter. He was a fine specimen of a dog, brown, black, white, and tan. The Doctor took one look at him and said "Hello, Baxter." She was a little bashful around him. " Hi there, Doc. Do ya wanna maybe have a biscuit together sometime? I mean only if you want to. Nothing fancy just the usual Milkbone. And I'm doing it again, aren't I? " "Usually I'm the one going on about things. And yes, I would like to share a Milkbone with you. "Saw your boy again did ya?" River asked when the walk was over and the Doctor had those mushy eyes she got when she was around River after a long time apart. Since they were animals who were incompatible with each other the look had not been brought on by River in a while. If this was a few regenerations ago, and River was also a dog, they would have non-stop puppies. If they were both cats it would be kittens. Rory and Amy would have them fixed! Not a good scenario either way. Both were happy the way they were and had their respective dalliances, as long as neither was in heat. River had her tom cat Teddy, and it looked like the Doctor might have just found someone of her own.She Even River had no complaints about Baxter. He was handsome, well groomed, and mannered. He even was nice to cats and mailmen! He was nothing but a true cultured gentledog. His former owner had been a collector of rare books, who died one night right in the middle of Bleak House. When the man's son came the next day and found him dead, he put Baxter in the shelter. He really wanted to keep the dog, but he lived in a tiny apartment and worked long hours. Baxter was lucky to find such a good home. Now, Baxter and the Doctor would slip out of their respective yards and have fun. Making sure the police weren't there just made everything all the more exhilarating. "Baxter! Baxter! I can't get under the fence! I think I'm gaining weight." " Well, or course you are sweetie. It's called being pregnant. Baxter, you got my dog knocked up! He is the father, right? " "Obviously! I haven't been around any other dogs in a while. And how can I be..................Oh, that time behind the tree? Or was it in your yard? I know it wasn't in this yard. River would love watching us and giving pointers while laughing." " Hey! A girl's gotta get entertained somehow. And watching you do it is so funny. " "Oh, no! Humans! " Amy was home early today. "Hello! Baxter, how did you get in the back yard? And Doctor, did you eat something bad? Your stomach is...is." Amy looked at the Doctor, then at Baxter, then back at the Doctor. "Oh, no! Don't tell me! You got the Doctor pregnant! Baxter, let's take you home. I'm sure your owner is going to have some words." When Amy knocked on the door, it was opened by a relieved Miss.Harding. "Baxter, where have you been? Oh Amy, thank you for bringing him back." " I need to talk to you about Baxter. " "Oh, did he do something?" " Well, yes and no. He seems to have formed a friendship with my dog. They both have holes they use as an escape route to play together. Unfortunately, my dog is pregnant and I'm pretty sure Baxter is the father. " "That's impossible! The shelter had him fixed they... Oh, no! They forgot to fix him! I am so sorry!" " Oh, it's alright. Things like this happen all the time. You don't need to bother with anything, if you want the hole fixed, I'll send Rory around to see to it. " "oh, don't worry, my boyfriend will fix it when he comes on Saturday. Are you sure there is nothing you want or need?" " No. Nothing. But if you want a puppy or two, you can have them. " "DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH THAT! IT'S MINE!" The Doctor snapped at River. "Whoa! I wasn't about to touch your toy, Sweetie. I'm just walking past it." " Oh, dear! I'm so sorry, River, I have no clue what got into me. " "Well, I do. You're pregnant. This is just your body getting ready. You are becoming increasingly protective of your things because soon you'll need to be protective of your puppies." " Oh. This is normal? Yes, very. " "Thanks, River. I think I need a nap." " DON'T YOU THINK ABOUT GOING NEAR MY FOOD! " "Hey, girl. I'm getting you fresh water, I don't want to touch your your food." Rory said. " Amy, she's starting to become protective. I think we may soon see the puppies. " "Are you sure?" "She is becoming increasingly protective of everything." "I noticed that the other day! I went to wash her bed, so she would clean bed before giving birth. She almost took my arm off!" " I think we are getting close. " Rory was right. In a few days time the Doctor went into labor. "Oh, River, I don't feel so great." " Sweetie, are you in pain? " "Yeah. It comes and goes. It's getting worse. Ohhh! " "Sweetie, you are in labor! You're giving birth." " Are you sure? " "Very. Amy and Rory are at work, so there is no human to help. You only have me. " The prospect of not having a human with her was horrible. The Doctor started to whine. "River, I can't stop pacing. That's a normal reaction." " I. I. I think it's time! " The Doctor went over to her bed. "It's alright, Sweetie. I'm right here, I'll help you get through this." River said gently. In a matter of minutes a puppy was born. "Oh, oh, oh, hello, my beautiful puppy! Aren't you just a doll." Soon, a second puppy was born. Then a third. By the time all was said and done, the Doctor had four puppies. "Congratulations, Doctor! You have your own family!" River said, going back to her cat tree to give the Doctor some privacy. Amy had an early day and was home around noon. Stepping in the house, she looked over at the Doctor. Laying in bed with her puppies. Her puppies! Amy quickly called Rory. "Honey, the puppies are here! She had them this morning while I was at work! There are four of them. She is resting comfortably. They are just the cutest little things! Oh, you'll have to see them when you get home!" Amy sat down next to the Doctor , "Good job, girl. Good job, Doctor!" She kissed the new mother on the head, and brought over the water bowl and her food. Knowing she could not keep them, the Doctor spent tons of time with them. Naming them wasn't easy. "River, how did you make your babies?" She asked . "Well, I named them by what seemed to suit their personality. Spot was easy. Bat, not quite. But she has become a beautiful cat. You'll think of something." And so the Doctor named her puppies. There was Baxter jr, Jip, Paws, and her little girl, Rosie. Using the magnets she told Amy and Rory who was who. All four kept the Doctor on her toes. "Mama, I don't want a nap! Mama, I have to go outside. Mama, he stole my toy. Mama, I need a drink from the water dish. And her least favorite was Mama, I have to go outside again. For real this time. " But she loved spending time with them. Playing with them was more fun than playing with River. But River had her own plans for the puppies. The Doctor wasn't impressed with the chase the cat up the tree game. Or the attack the Doctor game. Or the howling game. But the little balls of fluff were getting very big. And it was time to find them homes. The last down the street had just lost her dog, and Rosie was perfect. A lonely man took Jip. A family with two kids had Paws. And Miss. Amelia Harding got Baxter jr. As company for his newly fixed father. The Doctor missed her babies, but she was happy to have her life back. Especially since it meant being the only one there to play chase the cat up a tree.


	11. Santa Paws is bringing a- big surprise!

"Which stocking should we get River?" Amy asked Rory during their Christmas shopping trip. " The one with the mice with candy canes is nice. She would like that. "Great! And for the Doctor?" How about the dog in a sleigh? it looks just like her. " "You're right, Rory, it does. " Now what should we will these stockings with? "Oh, Amy! Look! A doggy Fez." " Oh, that's coming with us! No doubt about that! And the kitty shirt that says "assassin" . River will probably carry it around forever. " "oooh, Amy, doesn't this just look perfect." And so it went, finding the right goodies for the family.

"Hey, River! What should we get Amy and Rory for Christmas?" " We have them grand pets this year, isn't that enough? " "No! We had babies, they weren't too happy about it. Remember?" " They weren't at first. But then they grew to love them. " "Well, we gotta think of something real good." " I had a mouse picked out for Teddy, and one for Bat as well. I have also had my eye on a few mice for my other kittens. But I think I can scrounge up a really big one for them. Maybe even one for you if you behave and don't wake me up during my naps. " " I'm sorry, River, but I don't think Amy will see a dead mouse as a wonderful present. She might scream. " "Oh, yeah, her birthday present wasn't a hit. I thought it was dead! Dead I tell you!" "You forgot to check the heart! Always check for beating hearts....Always!" " Then What should we get them? " The Doctor paced. River cleaned her face. " I got it! Why not yet them a nice new bedspread. Amy has been wanting a new one for months. Especially after YOU peed on her good one! " the Doctor said. "I'm sorry, Sweetie. But she did leave without petting me good morning. And in case you forgot, WE ARE ANIMALS AND DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY!" " Maybe we should just do things like not shed on the couch or not scratch someone during the family photo. Maybe not beg for food? " "Oh,alright. But if they offer us some food, we take it and run." The next few weeks were a flurry of activity. Things coming and going and trees and boxes and dangling things River was not allowed to bat. Treats they weren't allowed to eat. Lights that dazzled them, everything was happening so fast. River wasn't happy about having her cat tree moved. But the Doctor reassured her every thing would go back to normal in a little while. Then one day, Amy and Rory came downstairs and said "Happy Christmas" " It's here? " Asked a very sleepy Doctor "It's here!" River replied. "Oh, Boy! Let's get moving! The sooner we get this day over the sooner I get my cat tree back!" Rory gave Amy a new bedspread . And Amy gave him some new games for his console. The Doctor got a new ball, a squeaky squirrel, a bone and a new bed. River got a new cat tower (deluxe edition) with extra secret hidey hole. The little shirt, and a new bed. Both got several new collars. One present remakes under the tree, marked "River" It was. ......... A tiny little shirt that said Big Sister. River dove under the couch. A little tail puller, fur tugging, nap ruining, smelly baby! This was going to suck. The Doctor jumped for joy. "A baby! A BABY! I'm getting a little brother or sister! A new little Pond! Oh, this will e awesome! We can play together, annoy River together, and ooooooooh! This is going to be GREAT!


	12. And Baby Makes ... Five?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy is expecting, how will River and the Doctor take it?

"Mummy! I think you have a problem. I can't sleep on your lap anymore. I can't do anything on your lap. And when I try, that little "treasure" keeps kicking me! You will find it a good home, right? You took my babies, you took the Doctor's babies, now it's your turn to put up fliers and find this, this, this spawn a home. You are MY MUMMY! And nobody else can have you. " 

"River, are you upset about the baby? You keep glaring at my belly and mumbling. Are you jealous? Oh, sweetie." " Hold on there! You do not get to call anyone Sweetie, that's my job! " Amy didn't quite catch that one. "Honey, daddy and I will still love you just as much." " Oh, please, I know that! I don't mean love. I mean the crying, the tail pulling, the fur grabbing, the drooling, the diapers, the midnight feedings, the safety of my toys! The golden lummox will just be tickled pink to be around a baby. She probably won't let you near it. She'll want to raise it. Oh, why did I marry that Time Lord ? I should have just killed him when I had a chance. Oh, wait! Double Jeopardy! Killing the Doctor won't have any consequences this time. I need to plan. Tunnel seems like a good plotting point. Wait, if she is dead, ANYTHING I do to her isn't spousal abuse. She's dead. Does that mean... "River, Doctor, we are home." Amy said one day. When she left the house a few days ago Rory was all fidgety and happy. Now they had a strange container with a handle. Curious , both animals went to look. There was a tiny Winston Churchill in it. Why would anyone want a little Churchill? Rory bent down and said "This is the new baby. Meet Rory Arthur Williams Jr." This was great! " Oh, he is so cute! Can he be my puppy? He smells so good and I just want to cuddle him, and lick him, and teach him to play fetch. " "No, you stupid dog! Have nothing to do with this creature! It pulls tails and pokes eyes and yanks fur! And it DROOLS! All over your clean fur! Junior will be a menace.

River was sick and tired of baby things. The little interloper had things EVERYWHERE! Bottles, pacifiers, toys,.swings, baby carriages, the works. 'All this for something that has no idea what it's name is. My kittens didn't require more than me! Yet HE needs everything. He can't even hold his head up!' She went outside to bask in the sun.

 

"Oh, he is so cute! Hello, Junior! And how are you today? Really! You don't say! Well I would cry too! You are so cuddly, I wish Amy would let me spend time cuddling you. You look just so snuggly!" The Doctor was smitten with this tiny human. "River, why aren't you happy? A little brother is fun! You always have someone dropping food on the floor and a person to blame everything on!" He'll ruin my fifteen hour sleep schedule. And as you know I NEED MY FIFTEEN HOURS OF SLEEP! " "Alright, no need to shout. Just spend some time with him when he is a little older, okay?" " Alright, if it will make you happy. "

River was walking across the living room when she noticed Amy had left the baby on a blanket on the floor. "Alright, let's get this over with. Hello, little human offspring. A smile? You seem happy. Oh, you want to play with me? Well, okay? Let me see, oooh! The paw on the tummy always works." River gently put her paw on the baby's chest then pulled it away.Junior laughed and smiled. River had great fun. And just around the corner, Amy was recording the whole thing on her phone. Rory's parents would go crazy when they came next week. Amy was expecting her in-laws to be as excited in person as they had been over the video chat. Both animals would be surprised too. Neither of them had met the grandparents.


	13. Oops, I did it again (And I'm not sorry)

River needed consolation. Her baby brother was six months old and she needed someone to talk to who didn't happen to be a smitten Doctor who would only rebuff her. She went to the only person she could trust, Teddy. "Oh, Sweetie, you have no idea how hard this is having a little human at home. He pulls my ears, he pulls my fur, he pulls my tail, he poked me in the eye. So you might think I could be given the benefit of the doubt about my actions. But no! I gently swiped the kid with no claws, and who gets in trouble? ME! That's who. He doesn't know any better. Stay away from him. He can't help it. Don't touch him. Don't scratch him. Don't bite him. I hate having to keep everything off the floor, I don't even get to play with my toys because he could choke on the bells. I just..." Teddy was a very understanding cat, but he was sensing River wanted more of him, and he was right. " Well, I feel so much better, thank you for that. And for listening. " he was only too happy to oblige. Everything was so busy with the baby and the grandparents and the christening that nobody even noticed how pregnant River was. Once everything was over and the grandparents went home and everything settled into mild chaos, everyone knew what had happened. But walking by a box with a cat and eight newborn kittens was rather hard to miss. "Amy, we seem to have a problem." Rory said one evening. " What could possibly be wrong? The baby is sleeping, and nobody is sick, so what is it? " "Um, well.... River had eight kittens." " You're joking right? " But the look on his face said otherwise. Looking in River's kitty bed sure enough, there were eight kittens. "How could you? River you can't just have kittens whenever you feel like it. Well, apparently you can. But that's not my point! You are a bad bad kitty." But she was nursing her own litter and didn't care about any lecture. She was enjoying her kittens and pissing off her parents all at once. Revenge was furry, cute, and came in the form of eight kittens .


	14. Fixing River (and the Doctor)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No more baby anything in the Pond-Williams-Song household. None! Nada! Not a one!

Once the kittens were in their own homes Amy and Rory took River and the Doctor to the vet. "River, stop crying! You brought this on yourself." Amy called to the cat carrier. " Please, let me out of this cell! I hate being in cages, you know this! " But all she got in return was another admonishment to be quiet.

 

"Oh, River! Why did you have to do that? Why a second litter? Why? Now we both have to see that mean man again. You are heartless!" " I know , and I don't care you stupid dog! " "You have to see Doctor McTavish just like I do. And this time he is taking out our reproductive systems!" "Oh, like you care! It's not like we were planning anymore time tots. So what's the big deal?" " But I wanted to have just one! You were always the pregnant one, I never got to be the Time mother! " "Sweetie, do you remember having puppies? " "Yeah. The snuggles, cuddles, and of course, play!" " And do you remember the sleepless nights, the constant feedings, the accidents, the midnight trips outside,trips to the water bowl, lack of sleep, lack of privacy. Does that ring a bell? And have you seen Amy with Junior? Do you remember that? Do you really want that again?.

The Doctor thought about that for a moment. She really didn't like going into heat. Especially when Amy made her wear those ridiculous dog panties. So she had her period every now and again, what was wrong with that? As a female Time Lord she had it. Although River had to explain that 'No, she wasn't going to die, and she didn't have a disease from some planet. She was just having a normal female experience.' Apparently Time Lords didn't have menopause until they were in their 3,000's. River hand tons of explaining to do about being female, and that was just in her normal form. So, maybe being fixed would help her in more ways than one. 

They still hated the vet. Doctor McTavish had no clue why, every other dog and cat adored him,what was wrong with these two? But, hey, the owners were willing to pay him for this and he was willing to do the task. "Let's start with thon wee kitty." He said. " I'm sorry, did you just refer to me as a 'wee kitty?' Do you have a death wish? " River said. Not that anybody knew it. All they heard was merow grrrrowl hiss. "Let's get her sedated and then we'll begin" McTavish said. "Oh, why do I feel so funny?" River said a while later. " They really did it, didn't they? " "Well of course they did!" Came a voice. " Who said that? " "Me, the Tom in the cell next door. I'm next. No more time with the ladies for this boy. Well, for another hour or so until they take my manhood. How was it? You in pain?" " No. Not right now. I think I will be later. I don't remember anything, they put me out. " "I think your friend is in there now. A big happy golden bitch?" " Hey! Don't You dare call my wife a bitch! " "Whoa, not like that. An unfixed female dog is called a bitch. And as for her being your wife, I don't judge. You do your thing, I'll do mine. Besides what are the odds we see each other again? Uh what's your name Anyway?" " River, and yours? " "Joey." " Well, Joey, I just came out of surgery and could use some sleep. I hope you recover well. " "With Doc McTavish I'll be right as rain. He got me adopted in the first place. There is a couple who want to adopt me and he does all the spay and neuter surgery for the shelter." " Really? " "Yeah! Now go back to sleep. Your wife will be out soon." " Hello, you two. Are you ready for home? " Amy asked. Two half groggy animals were placed in the car and taken home. "Now stay in your beds and sleep it off. You'll feel better soon." " Mummy, tuck me in and sing to me. " River said, right before passing out. Both animals spent the rest of the day sleeping. A few weeks later River was on the couch napping when suddenly something tugged her fur. Looking up she was a smiling little baby who seemed enamored with her. "Hello, what are you doing standing up like this? Wait, standing up ! Amy! Rory! Amy!" She meowed. Amy rushed in and saw Junior standing. She pulled out her phone and started taking pictures. "Oh, Rory's parents are gonna love this." Which of course they did. And everyone else did too. " Maybe you aren't so bad after all kid. " River said.


	15. ATTENTION! ATTENTION!

"Mummy, pet me!" River said, expecting Amy to reach out and stroke her fur. " What? No love for River? LOVE Me-HE-HE-HEEEE! I'm your child too! All I want is a little scratch behind the ears. Please? " Amy was busy nursing the baby and paid no attention. "Mum?" River pawed her arm. Nothing. Not. A. Reply. Putting a little claw into it, got Amy's attention. " Oh, River. I can't pet you now, your brother is nursing. I'm sorry. Maybe later. " "FINE! But I won't be available later!" River went to her thinking hammock. At least her deluxe cat tree had a thinking hammock.

River glared at the baby. "He took my place in her heart! She and Rory only care about Junior! Well, if he were out of the picture... No! They would grieve forever and never pay attention to me! I just have to suffer through it. He is ten months old now. Where did the time go? I mean, it's almost Christmas again and Junior is going to be weaned soon. Last year they were seven months pregnant before fell in A sole. What is wrong with them? Oh, yeah. Worried about kidnappers. Makes sense. But I need attention too!"  
" Quit brooding and play with me! " The Doctor said. "And why would I ever want to do that? Sweetie, you are a dog, I am a cat. On the best of days we are supposed to hate each other! But, since you are paying me some attention, I'll play." A game of bat the toy soccer started and all was well until. "You two need to stop! Junior just went down for a nap. I'll be in the kitchen doing dishes."

"Mummy please pay attention to me!" River wound herself around Amy's legs. "Not now, River. After I finish the dishes." River stalked off to the living room. "Well, I try, and I try, and I try. Can I accuse her of child neglect? She is my mother and she's neglecting me." " River, you are a cat. You can't call anyone, or speak in anything but cat. You are also an adult. Junior is a baby, he needs attention. He said he wants Amy to spend time with you. She never leaves him alone and he wants to play with those blocks. All she ever does is hug and kiss and tickle him. He also has decided to stop nursing. He says he prefers the sippy cup as he can see everything better and it allows him more play. I never understood why you didn't want more kids, I would have liked a fourth." "Do you want to lose an eye? Mention that again to the woman who fed your children at three in the morning and you'll be very sorry!" River spat.

Junior did make the switch to a sippy cup and Amy cried for a week. All too soon they found that Christmas had come and gone and they were celebrating Junior's first birthday. By now he could walk and say a few words. Amy decided to go back to work, she loved spending time with her little boy, but they needed the money. Her job as a receptionist was good, and they were very understanding about maternity leave. But every night, she went directly for Junior when Rory brought him home. Having a daycare at the hospital was a wonderful thing. But Amy still didn't spend time with River. One day she had enough and sat on Amy's chest. " "Let me or I will remove your nose!" Amy placed her on the floor and went back to sleep. A new tactic was needed.

 

River peed on the floor. She got scolded by Rory. "Bad kitty! You use the litter box, not the floor!" Shredding the toilet paper got a scolding and a pet. Sleeping in the crib got a scolding. But the last straw was the day Amy and Rory walked into the house and found the place in shambles. "Rory! Did someone break in? Did we forget to lock the doors?" " No, Amy, we locked up everything before we left. " It was then they saw River in a heap of shredded throw pillow. Amy lost it. " MELODY POND! HOW DARE YOU RUIN THE HOUSE! " She screamed. "Amy! Listen! I think she wants attention. When was the last time you or I spent time with River?" " Just uh... It was only... I don't know, it's been a while. " She replied. "Think about what you just said. We have been ignoring our child!" Amy looked like she was going to cry, which she did. "I am such a bad mother! I neglected my own child!" She wailed.

 

" Amy, our daughter is at this moment a cat. It's easy to forget that she's really human. " Rory reminded her. She ran over to River and gave her a huge hug. "Oh, I'm so, so, sorry my sweet baby girl." Amy cried, holding River close. " Alright! River needs to breathe! " Once the mess was cleaned up and Junior put to bed, Amy and Rory sat down and spent an evening with River. They pet her, scratched her under the chin, fed her table food, and fawned over her all evening.

 

"Mummy pet me." River said a few days later when Amy was watching Junior play. Being accommodating , Amy gave her a spot on her lap. "Oooh, that's better. I love you. " River said, curling up and falling asleep.


	16. Ouch!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Junior is one and now walking and talking. With his hands free he can pull things like, cupboard doors, pull toys, and tails.

"River, my love, you can come down now, Junior is gone." The Doctor said. "No! I have beaten weeping angels, daleks, cybermen, and many other monsters. I spent life times in the toughest prison. I have been chased,captured, almost killed, tortured, starved, beaten, and a hundred other things. I am a galaxy renound assassin. What is the thing that bests me? The thing that makes me cower in fear? The one thing that gives me nightmares? A toddler! I am not coming down until he is at least three. Maybe five. By then he should know better than to pull my tail!" River wailed.

 

River was sick of her brother. Junior was always around, trying to " play" with the "tic-tic" as he called her. Had he thrown the balls or mice or even a sock she would be willing to play. But he pulled her fur, stuck his fingers in her eyes and ears, woke her from naps, and played in her food. But the worst thing he did was pull her tail. If only Amy would stop clipping her claws she might be okay. Now her tail was sore, and she was hungry. Since her food was moved to the counter she was unable to eat at her leisure. Always looking out for things made it hard to eat. Using her box was no better, she had to jump a gate. Now even going outside was becoming a hassle. The doors were locked and she had to ask. She was not coming down until that boy was older.

 

"Ouch! Don't pull my tail, please." The Doctor said to the boy who could no longer understand her. He pulled it again. "I said, please don't do that." She was a bit more forceful this time. The third time she growled. "I SAID STOP!" Junior was stunned and started to cry. " Oh, dear! I am so sorry. You can't pull my tail, little one, it hurts. " Amy entered. "Sweetie, don't pull her tail. It hurts her." Amy said. " I'm sorry Doctor. Maybe if you go outside for a while, I can feed him lunch and put him down for a nap. It's a lovely day, River, why don't you join her? Come on, outside! " Amy said. Both animals went out, happy for the reprieve. "Oh! Oh! Ohhhhh! I feel so bad!" Wailed the Doctor. " I scared him! " She cried. "Stop that incessant howling and shut up! You did what you had to do to protect yourself. Get a grip! You can't let a little life lesson get to you. If you hadn't done it, I would have and let me say, the day before Amy cuts my claws is a great day for a lesson in hurting me." River said. " Life lesson! LIFE LESSON! Do you hear yourself? He's just a little boy who doesn't know better. Now he'll never want to play again. " "Oh, of course he will. Now he knows not to pull your tail, it's not like you ripped him to shreds or anything. " "Have you no heart, River? I made him cry! " "And he made you cry. You need to toughen up with that kid." " He's your own flesh and blood! How can you be this calloused? " "You are too soft. Oh, look, Amy is calling us. Now I can chase that new mouse daddy got me. " River trotted inside like she owned the place, the Doctor lagged behind. "Oh. Are you upset about Junior, girl? It's alright, you didn't hurt him any. Just startled him a bit. He'll be playing with you after naptime, you'll see. Want a treat?" How could the Doctor say no to a treat? " Don't worry, I'll try and see that he doesn't hurt you or River. He's just little, once he understands you don't like it he'll stop. Now, go eat your biscuit. " Amy encouraged. "Oh, so you get all happy once food is involved." River teased. " Hey, you almost kill a baby and you'll feel bad too. " "You didn't 'Almost kill a baby' you taught a kid a lesson. Big difference. Now , since it's Saturday, and Rory had to work, you get to entertain Junior after his nap!" " Ohhhh! " "DOCTOR! Junior is sleeping, no howling in the house!" Amy scolded. " Look who's up! " Amy sang, placing the tot on the ground. Looking around for a moment, the Doctor caught Junior's eye. "Ogy! Ogy!" " That's right sweetheart, doggy! Go play with the doggy! " Amy encouraged. Before the Doctor had time to move the little boy was hugging her. "You DO like me! Oh, I'm so relieved! River! He likes me again!" " I told you he would. He just better not pull mine! " River would not feel bad if she scratched him. Nope, not one bit. Not. One. Single. Bit. "Oh! I can't believe it! I scratched. My brother! My poor baby brother! What kind of sister does that make me?" " River, he pulled your tail. " "I know, but I drew blood!" " He will be fine. Nothing a plaster and some kisses won't fix. " "Are you sure? He won't hate me will he?" " No! Everything will be just fine! You said so yourself. Go catch a mouse, that always makes you happy. " "Sweetie, I'll see you later." " She got over that fast! Let's see where I left my bone... "


	17. Grooming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor and River are taken to the groomers. How do they react to some surprise news?

"Come on, Doctor, River, we are going for a ride." Rory sang. " A-a-a RIDE!? In the CAR? Oh boy this will be fun! I think I might pass the carpet I'm so excited! Maybe it's the dog park! Oh, balls to chase, New dogs to meet. YES! I LOVE CAR RIDES! " The Doctor started jumping and giving little happy barks. "We're going to the park, we're going to the park!" She sang. " Will you stop that incessant prancing and jumping. Rory never said park! He said ride. He also said I was going too. Do you really think either one of those humans I call my parents would even bring me near a park? What would I do with your buddies. I don't go around sniffing butts and humping each other. Cats have better taste. And since you are a butt sniffer and a crotch sniffer, Don't even think of nuzzling me tonight. Or licking me either. And besides, you and I have already been to the vet so we aren't going there. Maybe somewhere nice For a change? "  
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
The Doctor was excited, but River had her doubts. Especially when Rory trapped her in Her crate. "What are you doing? You are the worst, Daddy! The absolute worst." But Rory understood nothing , all he heard were meows. "It's alright, you might even like this." Really he doubted that statement, but anything to keep his daughter quiet was a good thing. It didn't work. "We're here." Rory said, getting both animals from the car. It wasn't until they entered that River and the Doctor realized where they were. " We are at the groomers! " River became frantic, scratching and crying as pathetically as possible. The Doctor on the other hand had never been to the groomers before. Neither had River. But oh, the horror of it! Claw clipping, ear cleaning, teeth cleaning, and the worst of all, The BATH! As most cats will let you know, they HATE GETTING WET! " Now poor River was in for a nightmare. The Doctor didn't seem to mind in the least. "The groomers? They groomers! I have always wanted to go to the groomers! Oh, the bath, the brush, the blow dry. And at the end, little bows put on my ears! Oh, thank you, Rory! I am so happy!" She wagged her whole back end and pranced around in circles, happy to finally meet someone who understood how to care for dog fur. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ After Rory left, the groomers got to work. "Hello, Doc! What a pretty girl! Who wants to get all cleaned up for mummy and Daddy? You do! Yes, I think you do! Let's get you into the tub." The woman said. A nice warm bath with shampoo being massaged into her fur. " This is divine! How are you, River? " Not that there was any need to ask, she could hear her wife making the poor groomer question all his life choices. "Now, now, kitty, I don't want to hurt you. Please, calm down, have some treats. See? Nice kitty." The man would have been better off with a rabid wild cat. But he had River, and he was going to need full body armor. Really, he should have listened to Rory in the first place and tranquilized her as soon as they arrived. But no. This guy had to be all macho and act like she was manageable and Rory was just over sensitive about his cat. He learned his lesson now.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
"Oh, yes! Yes! Oooh, give me more of that hair dryer!" The Doctor said. By now she was having the time of her life!  
It took fifteen minutes, but finally, after using gauntlets and a net, River was caught and a tranquilizer given. Now a new groomer was washing River's fur. The other man had to go home and contemplated quitting his job and becoming a telemarketer. At least no cats would hurt him there! "Why are you doing this to me? And why can't I do anything about it? Why don't I want to fight you anymore? Frankly,I don't want to. That's a first. Oh, no. What now? Oh, just drying me off?  
I guess that's alright. What is wrong with me? Why am I letting people I don't know touch my fur? And why am I okay with this? I'm not even able to fight them for soaking me and making me smell so horrible. Wait,they tranquilized me!" River couldn't care any less that she was drugged. But when it started to wear off in the middle of a tooth cleaning, the new tech ended up working very quickly before putting her into a safety mask. And just in time too. "What are you doing? Why can't I see? Oh, you are so dead when I see you again! Mummy and Daddy are about to regret ever sending me here! " it wasn't much longer before she was done, and all the groomers rejoiced.  
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
"More of that nail treatment, please." The Doctor was loving this grooming experience. And a fur cut! Oh, you have to be kidding me. I will be the most glorious dog to ever grace the park. And you are cleaning my teeth? Oh, could this day get any better? Wait. A new collar! A brand new collar! And bows for my ears? Oh, you spoil me. " "I don't WANT a new collar."  
River hissed and batted the hand of the girl working on her. But with cut claws it didn't do anything. "What's wrong, kitty?  
Your Mummy and Daddy picked this out special. See, it's blue, and it has your name on it, and a bow, and everything. Now please, let me put this on you." Well, if her parents really had chosen a new collar for her she had no real reason to refuse.  
So, she let the tech put the collar on her.  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
"Hello! You look so good, Doc!" Rory was back to collect them and not a moment too soon in River's opinion. Rhetorically, Rory asked "How were they?" "Doc is a dear. She just loved the whole thing. She's welcome back any time. River, however, is banned! She sent one tech home and he called to quit right before you got here. Another one is at the hospital getting stitches. Take your monster home and never bring her back! " Rory profusely apologized. And his bill was marked up a bit for pain and suffering. "RIVER! YOU NAUGHTY THING!" Amy scolded when they got home. You are staying in that cage until tea! I'll teach you to act so badly! They were giving you a wonderful day, and if you just accepted it you would be happy for a clean coat and teeth! " Any lectured on and on. Rory lectured on and on. The Doctor lectured on and on. Even Junior lectured her in his own way. River was one upset and apologetic cat. Her parents had only wanted to give her a kitty spa day. But all she could do was be ungrateful. Oh, dear. If she had some warning she might have prepared herself in advance. Now she was banned and there was nothing she could do about it. She just took her punishment like a bitter pill. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
"Amy, I had the best day! Thank you so much!" The Doctor could not be happier with her new coat and bows. " Do you like the cut? And the darling bows? And the new collar? Oh thank you! I needed one. I am so happy! " "Well, someone had a good day! You smell so good and your coat is so shiny and those bows are real pretty. I think we can make this a monthly thing, don't you?" She asked Rory. " Yes! Definitely! She needs some spoiling, and we do so much for River and Junior, it's not fair to leave her out. " "Just one thing Rory, I don't mind the Doctor going to the groomers, but Junior's hair is getting a little long. I know I'm being silly, but could you please take him to get his cut? I can't bear the sight of my baby being so grown up. " "Oh, you can't bear the sight of his hair cut, but you willingly ship me off to some torturers? Isn't my black and white fur just as precious as his long red hair? " River was still in a mood. "I'll take him tomorrow morning, and I think I'll get one myself." Rory said. "With all of us looking So nice, we should have a family portrait taken." Amy said excitedly. "We can even wear matching outfits!" Oh, no! Not another family based activity.


	18. Say Cheese

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A family photo! A grand idea. Unless you happen to be a cat with no desire to wear "cat clothes" and every desire to sleep.

"Don't my boys look so handsome." Amy said when Rory and Junior came downstairs wearing matching  
Sweaters. "The color does suit me."Rory said. "Doctor, don't think I forgot about you. Here is your sweater!" Amy said, helping a rather unsure dog into the garment. "Okay! This is different. I have never had anyone dress me up for a picture before. River, how do I look?" All that could be seen of the cat was white and black splotched backside poking out of a hidey hole. "You too, River." Amy said, pulling an unhappy cat out of the cube and started dressing her .

"YOU ARE NOT GETTING AWAY WITH THIS ONE, MOTHER!" She screamed trying to claw and bite. "MELODY POND! Behave yourself or you will be spending time in the carrier." Knowing how much River hated that thing, this threat never failed to work. But it did today. " I am not letting you dress me in anything, Amy! " By the time she finished the sentence, Amy had her in the little outfit. "Well played, but you won't get this over with so easily!" River glared her best death glare, Amy didn't seem to care. She finished readying everyone and got ready herself.

" Rory, why don't you sit here, " The photographer said. "And Junior here, and Doc... Where is your doggy?" The man asked. " Doctor! Come here, girl! " "In a minute, I'm getting a drink." She said. " No! No! Doctor! No! " Any seemed disappointed, "What? What did I do?" "You got your new sweater all wet" Amy got some napkins and worked on cleaning the dog up. "No Junior, we don't touch the nice man's things." Rory was saying. " Alright, now Rory, you sit here. Junior, here, Amy we can retouch things later, your doggy looks great. Now your cat... " "RIVER! WILL YOU JUST BEHAVE FOR ONCE!" Amy lamented at the cat who had ruined the little outfit. River didn't know that Amy anticipated her ruining the outfit and had bought her six spares just to be safe.

The second River was placed in the new outfit she knew she was beat. And when Rory said she would get no Fancy Feast for supper if she ruined this outfit just made her behave all the more. However, by the time she was ready, Junior was hungry and everything had to stop so he could have his lunch. River was not liking this one bit. "You know, you are very pretty in that, right?" The Doctor said, " And you can just stop thinking that! I refused to be treated like a doll! " "You made our kids dress up for pictures all the time." " I did not! Once or twice a year is not 'all he time'. " "seemed like it to me!"   
" You were awful! Never wore the tie I asked you to, and you had that silly fez! " "My fez is not silly!" The Doctor was incensed. Once Junior was fed, they tried again. But the choice of locations was under the tree and a squirrel ran by. "Doctor no!" Rory called, but it was too late. She was at the back gate barking. " Oh, Doctor! Look at yourself! Just look at yourself! " Any was close to tears, the Doctor had no idea what the matter was. "You have grass stains all over now, I'll have to get the spare sweater!" Amy went in the house.

 

" Nice going, idiot! You made mummy cry! " River wasn't happy. "What did I do?" " You chased that wretched little fur disaster, that's what you did! " "He was in the yard, I had to!" " You are so dense! " River was unhappy in her little sweater. The sooner we behave, the sooner we get these things off. " She said. When Amy came back, she changed the sweater, and Junior, before they all sat down and finally had their picture taken. 

Six weeks later the pictures came back and Amy couldn't have been happier. She hung one in the livingroom, one in the TARDIS, and sent some out to relatives. Really, they were a cute family.


End file.
